You Know How...

You know how sometimes you feel like eating something sweet so you go to the shop right next door to the office because it's convenient and you a) can't be bothered to go any farther and b) you haven't got time to go any farther but they don't really have anything you fancy but you still want something because you've made the effort to go to the shop so you pick a chocolate muffin even though you don't really like them and they make you feel sick every time you eat them but it's the best they have on offer and you think that this could actually be the magic muffin that is so delicious and non greasy that it won't make you feel sick so you buy it and take it back to your desk and start to eat it and not really enjoy it but go ahead anyway because it's all you have and then about 3.2 seconds after taking that first bite, the sugar rushes to your head and you get the shakes but you keep eating because you've started damn it and then by the last mouthful you can't possibly eat any more because your insides feel like a vat of pure oil and if you eat one more bite you will simultaneously be sick and start pinging around the office like a bouncy ball on a rubber floor?

Yeah that's me today.

Spell Cheque

Friends status on Facebook:

Spent what seemed like forever today typing up my case study for Utopia mag! Gonna look stunning! Yea I'm good! X

And her friend's response:

How did you cope without your personal thesaurous?!!!!

*Insert obvious dictionary joke here*

Irrational

This morning I sat opposite a man on the train who for some reason brought out an irrational feeling of intense dislike within me. I have seen this man a couple of times on the morning commute up to London and so far all I can surmise is that this person appears to be an imbecile.

I don't like having mean thoughts about others, especially people that I don't know because those thoughts are unfounded but this man really stirs something within me that makes me want to throw something at his head.

For the purposes of this post, let's just call him Man.

The first time I saw Man a few weeks ago, he was sitting next to what I gathered was his work colleague. It took me all of three seconds to ascertain that Work Colleague does not like Man. His body language told me everything I needed to know. Man was quite frankly talking b*ll*cks in a loud voice and behaving in a way that told the world, or the train carriage at least, that he thought he was very popular and we all needed to hear what he had to say. He was sitting too close to Work Colleague for comfort -- if life were Dirty Dancing then he was in his dance space without the "let's cha cha!". Work Colleague was trying to be polite, nodding along to the conversation and occasionally smiling a meak smile but you would have to be completely oblivious to realise that he didn't want to be there. I felt a bit sorry for Work Colleague; we've all been stuck in a social situation where we can't escape but so desperately want to.

This morning he irritated me immensely. I sat down opposite Man and remember, this is morning rush hour commuting... A lot of people on the train. Man was sitting in the middle of three seats with his pile of "things" on the seat next to him. If this were a late morning or lunchtime train with hardly a person on there, that wouldn't bother me so much but on the morning rush hour train, putting your things on the seat next to you instead of on the rack above or at least on your lap is like saying "I couldn't give a cr*p if you want to sit down, my stuff is more important than you". It's not pertaining to commuting etiquette! (I apologise for my poor grammar). So Man sits there, reading something or other and then I happen to look up as he is rooting around in his nostril, perhaps hoping to dig up some prehistoric bogey. It actually looked painful he had his finger shoved up there so hard. I should have called Tony and the Time Team. He then pulled his finger out of his nose, looked at the tip and put it in his mouth. It's making me gag just reliving it! Seriously people, if you want to pick your nose in the privacy of your own home then please go ahead but please don't do it and then ingest your findings in front of me on my way to work.

At this point, I couldn't be sure whether I'd uttered something in disgust out loud or not but then I began to wonder why Man was invoking such a reaction in me. I don't know Man and he is not part of my life so why sit on the train feeling annoyed at his (disgusting) manners? My theory: early morning + rain + packed train + Man = annoyed me!

If I were to guess, I'd say that Man actually has low self esteem issues so becomes loud and rude in order to make himself feel better. That's just my crude, early morning psychological analysis of this person!! Alternatively, he could just be a pain in the a** who just happens to have sat opposite me on the wrong mornings and p***ed me off!! The other 50+ people on the train don't annoy me in the slightest though? Hmmm.

This is not my best nor most positive post so I apologise. This won't be a frequent thing, I just felt I needed to write about it. I am a good person really!

Busy

What a busy weekend!! My boyfriend (R) and I had so much to do as we're going on a two week cycling holiday next Sunday and had much to prepare.

Rundown of Saturday:

Early start; R headed to Euston for work medical, I headed home to collect my new bike from the Parcelforce depot. Took (boxed) bike home and dragged it up the stairs to keep on landing while waiting for R to collect me and bike. R arrived to find me sitting on the sofa eating those chocolate biscuit sticks (can't remember the name) and watching DIY SOS. Took bike back downstairs and loaded into his car. R is moving to Medway to study as a mature student in September so drove to Gillingham to view a room that he'll be moving into. Met nice landlady, viewed room, liked it. Very close to town centre and station and uni is only a 10 minute walk (or a three second cycle!) Drove around Medway so R could get a feel for the area. Romantic picnic lunch sitting in the car in a "passing place" with an industrial area as our view. Continued driving and found an RSPB track so spent some time walking around and picking local berries. Thankfully not poisoned. Drove back to London, both pretty exhausted so reheated Friday's dinner, ate and passed out on the bed.

Sunday:

Another early start. R got online almost as soon as we had woken up to order some things for our cycling trip from Argos to be picked up from the Streatham shop. R in pretty narky mood. He was having a lot of back pain from previous injury so felt very uncomfortable. Breakfast of croissants (yum!) and coffee then headed to Streatham to pick up our bits from Argos. R still feeling narky and tired so drove us to the Balham shop by mistake. I don't know the area so had no idea! Got back in car and drove to Streatham and picked up our things. Drove back to R's and started assembling bike. Very exciting!! Few bits that need adjustment such as gears and the front wheel is slightly bowed. R did a great job. Managed to cheer up R; hurrah!! Had late lunch, went to room to chill out. Decided to go for bike ride to test out lovely new bike and so headed through Brockwell Park and ended up in Dulwich Village - very pretty place with real character and chilled out vibe. Potential location for my move to London? First time cycling on London roads so felt a little nervous but we made it back alive; maybe alive is a little strong as R tried to make me race him home uphill. Ate a late dinner and watched a bit of Alone in the Wild while trying to alleviate pain for R by giving really hard localised massage. Didn't work :( R had another early start this morning (05.30) so suspect he will be very tired this week. Holiday can't come soon enough!

We managed to achieve a lot in two days and have only a few more bits to get before our adventure. I can't wait to go on holiday with R! We need this break desperately as we've both been quite stressed and are in need of relaxation and stress-free time together. R is looking forward to sampling Belgian beer as we make our way around the Netherlands. Personally I'm looking forward to the cheese markets!!

Welcome!

Hey

Wow, first post. Exciting!

Thanks for coming to read my blog (secret: it's just an online diary/way to talk to myself without looking crazy) I haven't written a blog for a while so I'm a little bit rusty but bear with me and hopefully, what I'm sure will start out as rambling will improve to the point of being readable!

By the way, my imagination is pretty much at point zero and I really couldn't think of a real, decent, imaginative name for this blog so if you can come up with anything then all suggestions welcome!

Originally I wanted to come on here to remind people out there that you have to make yourself happy before you can make others happy but I can't just write a great statement like that and not back it up with anything, it doesn't really fit. So here's how I came to this conclusion...

Me in a nutshell at the moment: stressed. Majorly stressed.  (by the way, whenever I hear the word nutshell it immediately takes me to Austin Powers "I'm in a nutshell, how did I get into this nutshell?"...Anyyywayyy)

I've been putting so much pressure on myself lately to learn something new (guitar), be a good girlfriend, secure a permanent job, flat hunt, practice yoga, see friends, read an important book etc all in the name of bettering myself. All of these things compounded so much so that my great friend Amy called me earlier to give me a pep talk because I was in fast danger of ruining one if not all of those things. Especially my relationship with my boyfriend which is relatively new. Without wanting to go into too much detail because I don't want to over-think things again, I was close to the edge and needed someone to pull me back. Amy did that; if she ever needs to re-consider her career I would recommend counselling! She has an innate understanding of human nature and has a real way of putting things into perspective so that you feel confident and calm at the same time. She reminded me that I need to do things to make myself happy instead of constantly trying to make other people happy and that I will burn myself out if I carry on the current path that I am treading. She reminded me to stop and take time for myself, to find joy in my hobbies again and not to feel afraid to say no.

So with her wise words, I have returned to my desk at work feeling more peaceful and ready to face the world. For the coming week, I am not going to fill my diary with activities every night so that I am left with no time to rest or feel happy. I am going to find the time to do things that I enjoy such as watching my favourite film, practice yoga and relax.

Sometimes I go through phases like these and it just takes a little reminder that it's ok to stop and breathe. I'm thankful for friends like Amy because without her, I'm sure I would go mad!!